How does it feel being an adult? Honestly, I still don’t know. I am at my last year as a teenager and I know that I should start learning to be an adult but in fact I haven’t learned about that yet. Now I know why so many people miss their childhood and really want to back to the time when they were a child and, I think, if they can buy that time with money they will buy as many times as they can buy. Being an adult makes you must take much responsibilities than when you were a child. Those responsibilities aren’t an easy thing to hold, to take. One of those responsibilities is being in a relationship, either with women, men, woman, or man. I, as a person and ordinary human being, can’t avoid relationship that I (must) have and can’t have any choice but to involve in it, either as a main actor or just as a mere viewer. Being the lead actor evokes even a greater responsibilities but you’ll get bigger advantages too, that’s what I learned several days ago. I can choose to be a viewer who doesn’t take a part in any role, just watching the drama goes while eating popcorn in front of television, but in certain moments I choose to be the lead actor even though it is risky and dangerous because I can’t always be a viewer. It is more safety being a viewer for you don’t need to memorize the script, do the act, and get injured in the middle of filming but, if you choose that secure way, you won’t get nothing. I prefer to be a lead actor so I will get something even though I may sleep less because I have to memorize the script and may getting myself some wounds and I must bear it. There are great responsibilities await in every play that I choose to play, to be its main actor, the one who get the most spotlights. Then, as the conclusion, what does the connection between adulthood and actor? Adulthood causes you to have more stories in your life, to be the major player in many stories, and to have more various roles, since every story has different plots and characters. It sound interesting to have many different roles in many stories, right? That’s why I prefer main actor with all the risks that I must face rather than just a viewer who will get fat from every popcorn that is being eaten while watching a lot of films.
Hari ini saya pergi bekerja seperti biasa. Sepulangnya dari bekerja, kira-kira jam 5 sore, saya yang saat itu menggunakan angkutan umum melintasi jalan Kiaracondong pada pukul 6 sore. Saat itulah saya melihat sebuah mobil Avanza hitam dengan plat nomor B 1395 TZJ, yang pada saat itu melintas di jalan Kiaracondong juga, membuang sampah dari jendela mobilnya ke jalan. Jujur, itu membuat tekanan darah saya naik karena kelakuannya di kota yang bukan kotanya itu.
It is just a simple, little matter actually. Someone threw litter to the road, just it. However, it annoyed me to death! I mean, how dare you came to my city, my clean city just to make it dirtier? It’s enough with those who often comes to this city every weekend, which also annoy me, which only makes traffic everywhere. I feel that I’ve been tolerating that kind of habit; I just can take a deep breath every time I face that kind of situation, when it takes twice the time someone usually needs to go to a place. I really wanted to kick that black car at that time. If you want to throw litter to the road just do it in your own city. You don’t need to go that far only to throw litter. I think that kind of people should simply stay near litter bin for the entire time of his life, thus he won’t throw litter everywhere.
Really, you are a bastard!
I’ve been feeling emotionally up and down this time around, sometimes feeling empty all out sudden and then happy for nothing.. I don’t know what is exactly happening to me. It happened firstly since I started consuming a cup of coffee two weeks ago to keeping me aware and active so I can do my assignments better. Is it aftereffect of caffein I consume (until today)?
I’ve ever felt that feelings too! Feel so empty and lonely but suddenly feel so happy without any clear reason. I guess it’s only me and it’s a relief that there is someone who ever felt that kind of feelings too. :’)
Earlier today, I was having my precious quality time with my friend. We had arranged our meeting today since yesterday. It had been two weeks since the last time we met. We promised to meet at college around 1 PM. Finally we met each other. Then we started having our precious quality time because it is very hard to meet each other because of our different schedule. We spent our time (mostly) talking to each other, laughing, studying, eating cheesecake and hearing each other story. I was so happy back then, it felt worth waiting. I already felt that someone was watching over us suspiciously. From my point of view, we did not seem that we were dating because we did not have any physical contact, we sat separately too (there are one meter distance between us), nor we did something that a couple usually do. Shortly, we did nothing weird or suspicious or vulgar at all. We were doing fine. Then suddenly a girl came approaching us, she’s kind of annoying. Just imagine when you’re having your quality time that is so precious then someone coming just to say something weird. I prefer to call it a silly reminder. Below is our conversation with that strange girl:
Girl: Akang, teteh, maaf kalian muslim kan? (You don’t say? Can’t you see that I was wearing hijab?)
Me: Iya. Kenapa?
Girl: Kenapa akang teteh berdua-duaan? Ngga enak diliat sama orang. Lagian udah adzan ashar, ngga solat?
Me: Iya saya sholat kok.
My friend: Tapi teh kita kan disini ngga ngapa-ngapain, kita lagi belajar. (There was grammar books in front of us, can’t you see?)
Girl: Akang sama teteh tau kan kalau dalam Islam ngga boleh berdua-duaan, atau kalau mau harus ada muhrim yang menemani jadi bertiga. Kalau gitu mending sekarang solat dulu aja.
My friend: Oh iya teh, ya udah makasih.
I just can’t speak any more, I was too speechless. She completely ruined my mood. I mean, she just didn’t know what we actually did there but she asked us to leave that place by making her religion (which is also our religion too) as an excuse. She wore long dress with long hijab, I knew instantly that she was one of those fanatic believers which I hate most because of their fanaticism. We even sat far away from each other and made no physical contact at all and she still saw us as people who were going to make an unforgivable sin. I mean, it is good to have a strong faith into your religion but please don’t make your religion as an excuse to do something so annoying like that. She just made Islam looks so old-fashioned and strict into the extent that you can’t even sit together with people from the opposite gender. As far as I know, Islam is not like that. Islam is so flexible, it rules us so that we won’t be in the wrong path but not to limit our view on a matter. Maybe I didn’t look like those who have a strong faith in religion but I know that my friend has a much stronger faith in our religion and my friend still felt that that girl was so annoying with her silly reminder. It was good that you said that to us, which are Muslims, but can you imagine what people outside our religion will say about your silly reminder? They’ll look Islam as a very strict religion, you just make your religion’s image getting worse in this case. Isn’t it a bad thing? So, please stop using religion as an excuse to do something so annoying and next time you can just mind your own business, not mine nor my friend. Untukmu agamamu dan untukku agamaku, right?
Diatas adalah cerita tenatng apa yang saya alami hari ini dan semuanya murni berdasarkan sudut pandang saya, bila diantara pembaca ada yang merasa tersakiti hatinya karena tulisan ini, saya mohon maaf. :D
Aku tahu bahwa terkadang aku berpikir terlalu keras dan mengkhawatirkan hal yang tak perlu dikhawatirkan. Resa sudah berkata pagi ini padaku, betapa aku terlalu memikirkan sesuatu yang tidak bisa terjamah oleh pikiran seperti misalnya perasaan. Perasaan adalah hal yang aneh, abstrak, dan tidak berwujud nyata namun berdampak pada hal yang nyata secara jelas.
Semenjak awal tahun ini hal yang bernama perasaan itu menggangguku lebih dari sebelumnya, entah mengapa. Ia selalu meminta untuk diperhatikan lebih dari hal yang lainnya. Aku pun tak kuasa menolak dan hanya bisa pasrah mengikuti kemauannya, bahkan terkadang otak menjadi tidak berfungsi karenanya, Jawaban yang mungkin tepat untuk menjawab semua ini adalah karena usia dan waktu.
Tahun ini aku akan berusia 19 tahun. Mungkin waktunya telah tiba untuk menjadi lebih peduli pada perasaan yang muncul silih berganti itu. Namun perasaan kali ini disertai dengan kepanikan, kebingungan, dan ketakutan yang mengiringinya. Aku tampak belum siap untuk semua ini bahkan setelah 19 tahun yang sudah ku jalani. Jujur, hal ini masih menjadi hal asing untukku. Aku takut.
Kekhawatiran itu yang menyebabkan aku berpikir terlalu keras pada sesuatu yang tidak selalu dapat dijangkau pikiran. Apa yang Resa katakan adalah benar adanya. Harusnya pikiran itu baru muncul setelah semuanya sudah berjalan. Namun aku malah berpikir terlalu keras bahkan semenjak semuanya belum berjalan, bahkan belum dimulai. Aku seharusnya bisa menjadi lebih positif sehingga bisa menghilangkan kekhawatiranku itu.
Aku percaya bahwa ini adalah sebuah proses yang lazim dialami oleh manusia. Semoga setelah lelah berkutat dengan masalah perasaan ini aku akan menjadi manusia dewasa yang lebih bijaksana dalam menyikapi segala perasaan-perasaan lainnya yang akan muncul di masa depan. Aku akan berusaha untuk menjadi lebih baik lagi, lebih dewasa, dan tidak lagi menjadi anak kecil seperti biasanya.
Terima kasih juga dihaturkan pada mereka yang telah mengiringi aku bertumbuh, menyediakan lingkungan yang nyaman untuk aku berkembang, dan memberi dukungan tiada henti untuk setiap hal baik yang aku lakukan. Tuhan, ayah dan ibu, adik-adik, keluarga yang lainnya, geng poker, geng enam, kelas F, ibu dosen wali, dan kamu, the last one but not the least. :D
First days were a torture for me. There were no days without crying, you know.
After six days, everything got better. I stopped crying, I started smiling and laughing, thank you.
Adaptation is one of the hardest things that I always avoid in my life. I cannot easily adapt with new friends, new house, new places, you know.
There are so many fears but then I found something. They named it security but I called it comfort, thank you.
In the end of the first month I got a big problem, something bad happened and I could do nothing. The only thing that I could do is crying, you know.
I recovered in several days. I knew that I had a reason to remain strong or even get stronger, thank you.
Finally, the last days came, I kept counting days until homecoming, you know.
The day came, 13th February, I went home. The last days went faster because I filled it with laughs and smiles, thank you.
You know that I thank you, right? :)